THE START OF OUR SPIRAL STORY
It was one of those days where the whole world and so much of my past weighed heavy on my shoulders. The insecurities of being teased at school, the self-worth issues around sex and relating, the anxiety of knowing deep down I was so much more than my life reflected. Yet again I found myself sitting in the aftermath of an argument, I cried for some kind of way out of this recurring helplessness - why couldn't I just let it all go?
Dane Tomas messaged. We’d hung out in Melbourne when I was visiting there years ago and had briefly kept in touch ever since. “I’m struggling” I told him, followed by a welcomed string of self-pity. “I’ve got just the thing you need” he said...
"Spiral" That's Where this crazy journey began...
Everyone has been on somewhat of a Spiral journey, it is life. The difference here is having a tool to move obstacles out of your way. A tool which I now use with passion and power.
Spiral was brought to us at a well-needed time. We were desperate for a shift. Living in attempted denial in a downward spiral to depression and reoccurring emotional breakdowns we both decided Yana should go through it first.
When she began her Spiral sessions, even though I was the one who encouraged her to do it I thought it was bullshit, and stupid voodoo nonsense. At the same time we were all out of options.
To be honest, looking back, I was terrified of going through Spiral. I was afraid of it working, and afraid of it not working for me. I had a love-hate relationship with myself before Spiral. I wanted to love myself but I couldn't, and this played out in every aspect of my life.
I was quickly introduced online to the practitioner who would take me through. Zapheria - Byron Bay based powerhouse of a woman. Do you know those people - the ones who walk boldly into your life (via Skype) and make you feel welcome in your own home?
My first session was... Strange. She was lovely, and I connected with her, but... I didn’t understand what she was doing. A funny thing with her fingers (now known to be the muscle testing powers of Kinesiology) and telling me about things from my childhood. “Akh, but what’s to lose?” I’d agreed to see the whole thing through.
I clearly recall a walk in the park with a friend after level 2. “Something’s happening” I told her, “But I dunno, it really makes no sense” I laughed at myself for even thinking this could be real. And on I went persisting in my cynicism until I couldn’t deny what was happening any more.
Subtle things were shifting. I was becoming less defensive, less eager to fight. I was calming down and listening more intently. I was learning to observe myself and beginning to admit things to myself that I had for so long been denying. I was growing in confidence and self-esteem...
The gifts Spiral gave me were indescribable.
I was set on Nyaniso walking through the 7 levels too. So I took a chunk of my inheritance and insisted he receive the work as a gift.
When the time came for me to go through Spiral I was skeptical. Even though I had seen Yana's shifts, and Yana shifted incredibly. I didn't want to get my hopes up and believe this "Spiral thing" would do anything for me.
Subconsciously I was trying to block myself at every corner so that I wouldn't do it. That's what fear does, doesn't it? It tries its best to paralyze us and sabotage our well being. Well at least that is the truth for mine.
Around level 3 I started noticing things. My emotions were shifting and I started looking forward to my Spiral sessions, my skepticism dropped and my growth was apparent. I kept flowing into new realizations of my inner turmoil, for the first time Nyaniso was seeing himself.
I recognised a similar pattern in him. Curiosity, attempted denial followed by undeniable blossoming, becoming and ease in a grounded sense of self. And then storms...
I had built a dam wall of protection from my own emotions but today of all days when I was going to go to work (damn it, why didn't it happen on the weekend?) it all came tumbling down. The dam walls cracked, the water exploded through and stability crumbled before my eyes. I was a sobbing state. Layers of all the hurt you can imagine made me rage. I couldn't control everything that I was hurting about. The more I tried to control it all, the more it spewed out and fell apart. My suppressed emotion, suppressed hurt and pain all came out. Yana was there holding what she could - but it wasn't going to be stopped. I reached control when I was feeling less hurt inside, but it returned at a later date. In hindsight I shouldn't have tried to manage it. Hurt will make a momentous occasion causing upset in your life. Pain is like a germ. It can begin as small as a molecule, but give it enough time and it will fester and become a life threatening tumor in your body. Armed with Spiral, I can safely say that hurt is no longer mine.
The truth is that life will throw everything it can at you to make you wake up and step into your purpose. The ultimate "Cruel to be kind" happenings will come when we are walking the wrong way, and the more we ignore what life is trying to say, the louder it will scream at us. If life's cruel to be kind was a mother trying to wake up her child for school, post-spiral was a mother trashing the whole bedroom and setting the bed on fire to get her baby out the door. The truth gifts us with endless blessings when we are willing to receive what it has to say. It has our deepest fulfillment prioritized way above any kind of temporary feel-good comforts. Sure, a deep sense of purpose is THE BEST thing and it's easy to be typing this from the other side, but heck it's difficult to see your metaphorical burning bed as a signpost to fulfillment when any ounce of feel-good has been bulldozed. I can attest that there is a huge difference between happiness and fulfillment. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it's all easy - it's not - but there is nothing more rewarding than having stared so hard at yourself in life's mirrors that you find peace on the other side.
I transformed. to say the least, I dropped a load and felt like a someone different. I changed major behavioral patterns and pretty much realized I didn't have to live in a suppressed shit storm everyday for the rest of my life. It was beautiful. I began learning how to love myself, which in turn manifested in how I loved other people. Now I am more boldly in tune with what my spirit calls out for me to do and be.
Who I was is someone who I definitely now do not wish to be any more but the beauty of now is being on a path of self discovering each day. Growth is Bliss.
There we were, living the good life. Spacious city apartment, smiles on our blinkered faces, celebrating the take off of Nyaniso's career as an actor. e.tv 5 days a week. Regular meals out, events, nice clothes - yeah, you know, the good life.
Good though? I'll let you know my thoughts...
We're worth so much more than just, good. We're worth great. Magnificent, infact. Wonder and love and our deepest dreams and greatest potential. We are worthy of being seen in all our bright shining truths. We're worth the acheivement of mountaintop views - which mountains do you want to climb? Business? Love? Actual mountains?
We're taught by society that the shadows is bad and should be ignored or put far away. This mindset in my opinion leads to the greatest to emotional illness - Depression.
I want other people to step into the honest journey of questioning who they truly are. The world has these strong influential reigns on who we should be. The only person YOU should BE is YOU. Society wants people to be what society WANTS. Don't succumb. We all get trapped into limited options that the world presents to us.
She said - "lover, see this. This is our spiral story. we have many things to teach and many things to learn. thank you for giving me reason to grow. lets keep going far. lets make these dreams come true."
So I opted in for the practitioner training. This was my claim to myself, the claim that helps society claim themselves. It's Ok to be You. It's OK to do what you want to do. i believe that is where our greatest fortunes and life lessons lie.
THIS is why I AM now a Spiral Practitioner
The practitioner training was a step into a new life. A new claiming of self. A newness. The depth of cleansing was beyond anything I had previously imagined possible.
What a heart-wrenching, beautiful journey. The sadness of saying farewell to pain and the joy of the laughter and freedom on the other side. To live with a relationship which speaks this self-clearing Spiral language of mirror theories and getting rid of what we don't want in our lives.
Today I look back on all the blessings of Spiral and feel gifted greatly to be offering the same journey to others too - together with Nyaniso. Vela Souls.